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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23882899">The Honeymoon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeahWhoCares/pseuds/YeahWhoCares'>YeahWhoCares</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Pure cringe, Smut, The Best and Worst Thing You'll Ever Read, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:07:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23882899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeahWhoCares/pseuds/YeahWhoCares</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A closer look at the honeymoon of Edward and Bella Cullen, using the most cringy and off putting words and phrases a group of Internet strangers could find.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward Cullen/Bella Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Honeymoon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxRIPLEYxxx/gifts">xxxRIPLEYxxx</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyTXgradstudent/gifts">crazyTXgradstudent</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by a post on the Facebook group Archive of our own (AO3) - Writers. All credit to everyone on the thread, the majority of the cringe you are about to read came from them, I only added a few.</p><p>This does not reflect on my normal writing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Standing at the bottom of the large bed, fingering the curtain gently, Bella couldn't help but think of how they reached this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward, the love of her existence had finally agreed to change her, and she agreed to marry him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wedding had been the talk of the town. She glided down the aisle in the arms of her father, and said 'I do' to her soulmate. The man she would spend eternity with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had fears that she was too scared to voice aloud. Would her pleasure cave sparkle like the rest of her body? Would her buttocks? Well, there was only one way she would find out, and that would not be by asking anyone from her new family. Alice probably already knew, and she wasn't looking forward to returning to her new home. What if Alice wanted to show her what her body would look like post change? The imagine was burned in her brain, and she could only hope it would fade after the change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward cut her mental stressing short by asking if she'd like to go for a swim. Shaking her head, she turned to him and whispered huskily "maybe tomorrow, or in a few days. We've waited so long to come together, and I don't want to wait another minute."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"hmmm" Edward growled before she found herself naked, her dress and underwear in shreds next to her on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing lightly she allowed him to pick her up and lay her gently in the middle of the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have too many clothes on, dear Husband" she mewled in need. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head "I've got to take care of my Wife before we get to that part." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a wink, he started kissing his way down her body. He paid a lot of attention to her chest balloons, and she could vaguely feel his meat stick harden against her leg. She wasn't intimidated at the thought, his penis seemed rather polite actually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling his hands against her thigh, she realised he'd moved further down her body as she thought of his thingy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at him, nestled between her legs, staring at her sex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmmm, your pussy smells like lilac and lavender, such a tempting fragrance." he whispered, hornily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes as his mouth touched her pleasure centre. He wasted no time diving in, his tongue was like a battering ram breaking down the Great Wall of China. It took no time before her orgasm left her shuddering, she felt like waves of rainbow coloured bliss were filling her body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward gently brought her down before he crawled up her body, leaving gentle kisses on her body as he travelled up. Once he reached her face, she grabbed his hair and dragged him into a kiss that left her dizzy, barely noticing her pleasure juices on his face and tongue. He fondled her globes, and she could tell he was definitely a breast man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward's mighty man carrot was still as hard as the rest of his body, and it only took a few minutes for Bella to be ready to continue. Running her hands down his back, like feathers tickling his skin, she started to lift his shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not wanting to waste any time, Edward used his magnificent speed to remove his clothes, and they ended up on the floor with Bellas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kissing her quick and dirty, Edward took hold of his throbbing cock and whispered in her ear "let me use my dipstick to check your lubrication" causing her to moan loudly, not caring or remembering his delicate vampire hearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifted her right leg and placed it on his shoulder, and moved her left leg to rest on the floor. Taking hold of her hips he wasted no time thrusting his glistening flesh stick into her honey hole, and burying it in her uterus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The breath left her body and she nearly blacked out at the indescribable pleasure she felt. He allowed her time to become used to his length being snug in her love glove, before pulling almost all the way out. Her orbs jiggled with the movement, causing his eyes to leave hers and stare at them. They seemed to perk up at the attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ready?" he asked huskily. Nodding in consent, Edward thrust back in and didn't stop. His movements were fast and hard, but she didn't have the mental capacity left to worry. His rod was like a flashlight, searching for the deepest and darkest parts of her womb, and all she could do was cling to him. The noises leaving her were ones she'd never heard herself make before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward sounded magnificent, the growls and rumbles leaving his chest only heightened her pleasure. Her lady was gushing, and it only seemed to spur Edward on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached down with one of his icy, dead hands, and started gently caressing her pleasure button causing her to orgasm. She could see stars behind her eyes, and her toes gripped the sheets with the intensity of it all. Her O-moment seemed to trigger Edwards, as his movements stuttered before his rod of warm silk covered iron pulsed before releasing his baby batter into her accepting womb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lay, still connected, for what felt like hours after finishing. When Edward moved to pull his yogurt shotgun from her entrance, she could feel his sweet, warm nectar sloshing within her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Collapsing next to her, they both panted heavily, feeling feelings they had never felt before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Edward, that was wonderful. I love you" she moaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was the best experience of my life" he replied, feeling his cock harden like velvet steel as he remembered what had just happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sleep, my love" he whispered to her "we have to keep you well rested so we can continue the pleasure party."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Giggling like a schoolgirl, Bella allowed Edward to rest his head on her natural pillows. She ran her hands through his soft, fluffy hair. The thoughts of his manhood filled her dreams, as they probably would for eternity. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was so much fun to write. It gave me some time to destress from my current fic, and just laugh!</p><p>I hope you laughed as much as I did!</p><p>I looked for any mistakes, but I was laughing so hard I probably missed them, but I don't think anyone will really mind considering the kind of fic it is lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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